When it’s out of your control…
By the girl next door who seems to never have control
I was asked by a counselor how I handle things that are a problem but there’s nothing I can do about it. My answer was that I change my focus from what I can’t do to what I CAN do. I don’t always have the answer and sometimes there is nothing I CAN do. In this case I listen to Vivaldi, drink wine, eat pate and take deep breaths.
I’ll use my favorite sandwich approach when talking about difficult things. Start with something good, let out the problem(s), end with something good. My something good to start with is that I finally launched my product. After years of hard work, sacrifice and everything else you’ve read in previous chapters I have managed to scrape and claw my way back. My sales goals are being exceeded YAY! I have an influencer interested YAY!
The positive is brief because the units were behaving oddly with the temperature. A unit would read 55 C at Medium which is what it should read, but if the dial is turned down the temperature actually rises. The same unit plugged in at home reads 34 C at Medium. WTF. I asked my dream team Hardware and Software guys to investigate the cause and what the solution is. Their investigation came down to this. Hardware guy says that there are components on the PCB boards that do not match what was in the drawings and physical samples. WHY DO PEOPLE KEEP CHANGING THINGS WITHOUT AUTHORIZATION!!!??? Software guy says that he can sort of code around it but that the user would experience the device turning on/off throughout the day including the LED light that is the indicator that the unit is on. I can deal with the soft click sound on and off, but the light is a deal breaker. These are used in settings that are sometimes low light and the client is supposed to relax. Having a bright LED light turn on and off randomly would be annoying. Even in full light it would be confusing.
So I have Hardware guy explain this in engineering terms to China. My whole company hangs in the balance once again. If they aren’t willing to repair or replace this inventory at their expense then it is the end of the journey entirely. I’m treading very lightly with China in the hopes that they will honor their work. I’d even be willing to share in the expenses….but later I’m broke right now and once again I don’t have inventory to sell to change that fact. The hopes of this company surviving is once again hanging on the thread of hope that the party in error will honor their work.
Six days before trial with JA he submits a new piece of evidence. At first I thought it was fake. It is an email from me with a contract to him. After confirming it was real I researched what happened and more importantly why it happened. I know there is no way I wrote that contract….I don’t even know what most of it means even today. In my research I found emails that talk about an in person meeting. This meeting was to review the contract and for me to leave him a check. At that meeting on 12/28 JA handed me a physical copy of his contract and asked me to make an electronic copy of it.
12/29 JA reminded me to send him the electronic copy. At the time I did have a scanner but it only scans one page at a time. So with the tools I had at my disposal I simply retyped it into a Word document to fulfill JA’s request. 12/30 JA send back a signed copy. I then print what he returned, signed and returned it to him. Turns out this is actually Version 2….
What I didn’t notice was a couple of edits that JA did. Those edits have a lot to do with this case. He removed additional language regarding UL certification. He added Stage #1 and Stage #2 whereas the Version 1 contract didn’t have stages. So in effect if we had signed Version 1 Contract he is toast because there is no Stage #2 to charge different fees, that contract reads as all one stage. Additionally his claim that he doesn’t know anything about UL is also squashed because it’s clear he does on the half a page of text he removed.
What this also does is show a whole new level of slimy. Remember in his deposition where he claimed that I wrote the contract? Yeah, his request for an electronic copy makes it look like exactly that. So as a result my attorney is pissed and so am I because we have to pivot our whole case theory a few days before trial and I am now realizing I’ve been set up since day one.
It’s still very unreasonable for anyone to believe that I wrote it. Word tells you when a document was originally created and that can’t be changed, which in this case is 12/29. There’s no way anyone would believe that I just sat down over my morning coffee and wrote 12 pages of engineering terms, acronyms and legal language that I don’t even know the meaning of. What is feasible is what I’m recollecting. It’s strange yes. At the time I didn’t think it was that strange because I recreated documents for my brokers all the time in my previous career. I trusted JA at the time and didn’t have a reason to question motives. The changes he made stick out like a sore thumb to the current Me because I know one thousand percent more than I did back then.
The trial dates have changed multiple times. The latest change was by a couple days. It moved from Monday October 26th to Thursday October 29th. The shift moved it to October 28th, 29th, November 2nd, 3rd. I thought my attorney informed my dad and she thought I informed my dad. Come to find out he was not informed on the Friday before trial. So on Monday October 26th my dad checks in and I bring him up to speed.
My dad clearly thinks his schedule is more important than anyone else’s including the judge. Texts were exchanged where he demanded that my attorney complains to the judge and I refuse telling him it’s not in our control there’s nothing we can do, it’s judge’s orders. Then he calls me to argue more efficiently I guess. I tell him that it’s not about him and there is no way I would call my attorney who is doing this for free to tell her that my dad is unhappy that she didn’t inform the judge of his schedule. Upset words were exchanged me included. My attorney and I took him off the witness list. Bye, no one has time to stroke your ego and validate that narcissistic behavior.
My only sibling asked for family counseling between my mom and us two siblings. I of course am game since I’ve been suggesting this for years, but that everyone should be involved like dad and his wife. Of course my dad refused yelling at me how dare I tell him what to do. I tried to tell him that I’m not telling him what to do, but that I’m asking him to be part of the solution as a member of this family. Dad’s out again.
A month goes by and no word from sibling on counseling. Mom and sibling say no one seems to be available. I took initiative and made an appointment for us. Sibling deems my choice unqualified and actually accuses this total stranger as fraud. I find another option that is also unqualified according to sibling. Mom finds someone and that seems to be ok with sibling. Whatever.
At the first counseling session my only sibling explains that they have never felt close to me my entire life and that they can’t accept a single syllable from me in a positive way. Ummm, we’re in our 40's….you’re just telling me this now?! Also was all the happy memories I have like laughing until we peed our pants and dance routines all fake? And might I ask why I’m here working on a relationship with someone who doesn’t sound like they want one?
Sibling also tells mom in a private meeting between the two of them that they had a bad childhood. Gee, I hope her kids don’t tell her these awful and might I add untrue things 40 years later.
We’ve done of few of these counseling sessions and I’m not going to continue unless the tone changes. I mean seriously, what exactly am I supposed to do with tape over my mouth since even a syllable from me is bad. Good times.
The reason I wanted my dad in this counseling circus is because the dynamics of sibling and dad directly influence how dad treats me. Case in point. Sibling confides in dad how they feel during these counseling sessions. Dad “forgot” my birthday entirely. No acknowledgement at all. Wether it’s subconscious or conscious, he just doesn’t think of me like he does sibling. While I’ve come to accept that fact, the harmful actions are getting more hurtful as sibling’s negative feelings about me intensify and come out.
Being my usual problem solver self, I am simply going to remove myself from the equation. If I can’t change how my dad and sibling act towards me and think about me then my option is to remove myself. Focus on what I can do, not what I can’t change. Being close to the holidays I have decided not to attend any kind of family holiday gathering. I simply don’t feel welcome and don’t want to slap a fake smile on my face. My mom and I will walk our dogs, have a cup of coffee and call it a day. I’m actually looking forward to a year off of gifts and gatherings that apparently have been fake anyways.
This is where I’m supposed to end on a positive note. Those are becoming harder and harder to come by. The only positive things I can say is that my mom can see what’s all happening to me and supports me the best she can. I still have a shred of hope for my product. My other business is thriving. I found an affordable option to help my dog with a torn ACL (technically CCL on a dog). Wish me luck in the coming weeks, the lawsuit will be over and I’ll either still have a product or not…..fingers crossed the right thing and truth will prevail. Sorry sibling that you have 40 years of baggage to unpack, but I don’t. I refuse to replace my happy memories and happy feelings with your negative memories and negative feelings.
